[MUSIC PLAYING] Hello. My name is Shaina Feinberg. And I am a filmmaker. I’m also a mom. And I’ve been doing a depressingly bad job at both. [BABY CRIES] I’ve genuinely thought about giving up on my career. Hope I got it. I’ve gotten rejection after rejection. Everything I’ve made is low budget and stars my family. Here he comes. It’s a boy. But quitting fills me with anxiety because of an intense feeling of loss I felt for my mom growing up. Don’t worry about my dad. He’s dead. “Is there anything that you regret not doing in your life?” Yes, I do. “What?” I wanted to be a performer. I was married. And I had a little baby, and that’s why I support you doing it. “So you wish you had done that?” Yes, I think about it a lot. Yeah, I do. I’ve spent my life determined not to live with the regret that continues to haunt my mom. But lately, the work-life balance has become so rough, I was on the verge of following in my mom’s footsteps. And then I found Joan Darling. [MUSIC PLAYING] In some ways, Joan is the exact opposite of my mom. Unlike my mom, Joan was a career woman. She had no kids. And today she has no regrets. “You want to hear the story? This kid comes over to me in a cowboy hat. Stevie and I were pals way before he was — quote — Steven Spielberg. When I went over to shoot ‘MASH’ — Did I ever tell you the Joe Pesci story? Jackie Kennedy, Rue McClanahan, Barbra Streisand, Louise Lasser, Farrah Fawcett, Tom Selleck. So I went to Norman Lear. And he said, ‘How would you like to be a director?’” Joan is now 90. But back in 1976, she was the first woman to be nominated for an Emmy in directing, the first woman ever. She’s directed shows like “Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman,” “Magnum, P.I.,” “Rhoda,” “Taxi,” ”The Bionic Woman,” “MASH” and one of the top 100 episodes of television ever. I, on the other hand, directed this. Mom, Dad, it’s happening. What’s happening? This is it. I can feel it. I’m going. During the pandemic, a freelance job I had connected me over Zoom with Joan. At the time, I was drowning in motherhood. Hi, baby. In our first call, Joan told me she had watched some of my movies and hadn’t been this excited about someone’s work since early Aaron Sorkin. [SINGING] Joan’s compliment felt like a life raft. So in an attempt to balance my career with my kids, I went to meet Joan in person. We are in Kennebunk, Maine. I just learned to drive. And I really love it. You really just learned? No. Oh. I’m just — I’m just starting the day with you. Within minutes of meeting Joan, it was clear she had her own agenda. Oh, OK This is the — Is this — there — [LAUGHS] This is great. Shaina. Yes. So what are you doing here? Joan and I spent three days filming together. Mostly, we just played. Right. And what if we do it and I’m Joan and you’re — Oh, I love that. OK. Oh, do I look all right? Do I look stupid? No? OK. [CLEARS THROAT] And action. I think I’m a really bad actor. Right. You’re so much more elegant than I expected. You’re so much taller than I — You’re much taller, did you say?” You’re taller. Really? How big did you think I was? I mean, this big or what? I guess I thought you were this big. I’m going to have to give you an acting lesson. It’s Metamucil. If I let it sit, it’ll just become like a rock. I got to go fast. Right. Around Joan, I let myself become completely vulnerable. And now I want you to lick the outside rim. That was great. Could you feel that happen to you? And eventually, we stopped playing, and things got serious. Yeah. Are you looking at me? And you’re paying attention. I’m paying attention. OK, because I’m going to hypnotize you now. And you’re going to be so surprised. The only thing that matters is the quality of your experience. [EXPLETIVE] the container. Got it? Mm-hm. When I left Maine, I realized I had spent my time recreating “How Stella Got Her Groove Back,” that ’90s movie where a down-on-her-luck Angela Bassett goes to Jamaica and has a steamy love affair with a handsome young man, played by Taye Diggs. Only in my version, the Taye Diggs role was a Jewish lady, and the Angela Bassett role was also a Jewish lady. For the first time since having my kids, I felt like a whole person, not just a mom, not just a stalled filmmaker. [MUSIC PLAYING] Being in Maine was getting a vaccine. Six months later, I went to see Joan again for a confidence booster, this time in Florida. Where are we? Cosmically or geographically? It’s a senior living place because I’m old. And I can’t believe it. I don’t know how it happened. That’s the system. Yeah, that’s it. That’s it, kids. [MUSIC PLAYING] Being around Joan gave me a transfusion of confidence, which is what she did with Mary Tyler Moore all those years ago when they made that superfamous episode of TV “Chuckles Bites the Dust.” Chuckles the Clown, who does the kiddie show, he goes to the parade dressed as Peter Peanut. And as it says in the script, a rogue elephant shells him to death. Everybody starts making jokes. Mary just is furious with everybody, because she feels it’s disrespectful to be laughing about Chuckles’s death. And then in the funeral, when the priest starts to speak about Chuckles, she can’t stop laughing. And then the guy calls on her and says: Go ahead. Laugh out loud. Don’t you see? Nothing would have made Chuckles happier. [CRYING] And I said to Mary, “Listen, I don’t think we need to rehearse the funeral scene where you laugh.” And the first time she did it, I’m just going, “This is so brilliant.” And by saying, “You can do this. I know you can do it. Uou know you can do it,” it was almost like a trance induction. I’m going to hypnotize you now. It was almost like a trance induction. That’s exactly what she did to me in Maine. She put a trance on me. “I know you can do it. You know you can do it.” [MUSIC PLAYING] Joan threw me that life raft. Imagine if someone had done that for my mom. Her life wouldn’t have been tinted by regret. Yes, I think about it a lot. Yeah, I do. My mom made a huge career sacrifice for me and lives with this feeling of loss. Joan devoted herself to her passion, and she feels fulfilled. As for me, [CHILD CRYING] I’m in uncharted territory. Unwilling to give up my art or my kids, I’m forced to combine them. [SINGING] Babies on the bus go wah, wah, wah. Will my children grow up to make films about how they took a back seat to my career? I guess it’s just a risk I’m willing to take. [MUSIC PLAYING]
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